Template ~~~rust UPDATED 24-apr-2025 Date - What’s up - What I’m feeling: ~~~ 8-Sep-2025 * Leo’s first birthday came and went! The challenges have completely shifted. Sleep isn’t the talk of the town, he sleeps pretty good! Right now, we want to get him to eat more. He’s just a lil guy and that can be worrying when he won’t eat his food. So that’s the main concern. Some stuff I think would be funny to document: we all got covid when I came back from a bachelor party in July. Even Kiran’s parents got sick. We bought a house and moved to Folsom, but moving comes with all sorts of baggage (get it?). Overall, things are stabilizing, but it feels like as they do some new major shift causes us to start scrambling for balance once again. People don’t notice that the wheel of suffering, samsara, is a turntable beneath our feet. * What I’m feeling: challenged. 29-Jun-2025 - oh man! What a wild ride it’s been. Leo is walking and making hilarious sounds. He is like a parro; one who also seems to have a secret language he (alone) clearly understands. Still trying to figure out what Bapu means… - What I’m feeling: happiness. 24-Apr-2025 - Leo is sleeping on me while I sit on the couch. We are all sick! He had a drop in weight which was concerning, and that caused us to go through the mines of Moria so to speak. - What’s important right now: trying to get Leo to eat more. It’s frustrating, because in just a few months, milk stuff will be supplemental and solids will be the primary source of calories. However, in these next few months his lil belly can’t hold enough solids to meet his caloric requirements. At this time that’s about 720 cal per day, fyi. - What’s new: We have had to turn from this happy, whole food formula from the Netherlands to these terrible artificially created amino acid based formulas from pharma companies. - What sucks: being sick, no sleep, baby sad, wife sad and sick, and overall sense of a lack of control. - What I’m feeling: I feel okay actually! It’s more to do with spiritual practice than any fact of life. I’m concerned about Leo, since the one thing people tell you to watch out for is a drop in weight. It’s frustrating to deal with. I’m also sort of angsty about what “I’m going to do next” in terms of career, identity and location. Suddenly the speed I can take corners is slower, having to consider many more factors than before. It does seem like the way through this stuff requires new patterning. Like, on one hand you can “gipsy soul” through a lot of decisions. What feels right? Then there’s sort of hardline practical stuff: how safe is this situation? How sustainable is this? The balance is the next 20 years of my life probably. 2-Apr-2025 - Leo cut THREE teeth sometime in the last two days. He’s been a wreck at night. I think they broke through last night. - What’s important right now: new teeth and hoping he sleeps well! We want to sleep well too. - What’s new: Teeth! Three of em. Top front two and the one to the left of it from his perspective. - What sucks: sleep and trying to figure out Tylenol and “how much medication is good or bad.” I don’t want to give him any, then realize when I do he sleeps so well and feels better. I worry about his little liver though… - What I’m feeling: sad! I am gonna miss his gummy little smiles. The next few days will be the last time I see gum baby face smiles. Then he’s gonna be Mr. Toothy! Also, it sorta ruins my Pirate Baby songs I sing him in the bath. “Captain Leo Singh! He’s a ruthless, toothless Pirate! The fiercest little baby pirate the seas have ever seen! If you see him singing better run, or feel his sting. Cuz you can sing and I can sing, but none like Leo Singh!” 31-Mar-2025 - Leo is babbling now, quite a lot. Most nights he mostly sleeps through the night, but we are not in a regular cadence. Chasing him down while he crawls towards dangerous things. We have been going to restaurants with him and it’s pretty smooth-ish. - What’s important right now: He has top teeth coming in and our main focus is that. Maybe another growth spurt? - What’s new: not a ton is immediately new. He’s not changing day by day anymore, it does seem 6 mos is a major turning point. - What sucks: still could use more sleep! Bouts of depression. More awake time during the day means more on time as a parent, but that’s also fun and nice. - What I’m feeling: going through down periods much harder with a kid. I don’t have as much space to solve the problems and I’m exhausted. It’s a double whammy, but I’m learning to navigate it. I feel overall like this is still a transition. 28-Feb-2025 - A lot of firsts in the last month! First time on a hike, first time in the car alone with mom, first (two) teeth, first time at dinner (valentine’s), first solid food, and first time being sick. Overall, the reality of having a child hits in waves. - What’s important now: starting to look towards a longer time horizon rather than “what’s happening this immediate moment.” Creating a good environment is bubbling up in priority. - What’s new: already listed! Lots of firsts, 6 months is a big turning point in age. Leo is getting more socially west from us and more wary of strangers. - What sucks: poor little guy just seems uncomfortable a lot - What I’m feeling: excited for the future and anxious. A lot of big decisions coming up! 18-Jan-2025 - tooth! Lil guy has a tooth on his bottom jaw in the front. - What’s important right now: no bloody poop! Tooth. - What’s new: tooth. - What sucks: tooth. - What I’m feeling: tooth. 8-Jan-2025 - Changing back from GOAT milk to Big Cow Kendamil has been a really important reversion. The goat milk was causing the same problems that the cow milk was causing along with a whole new slew of problems. At least now, were in a stable state. - What’s important right now: Getting in enough calories, and resolving the blood in diapers experimentally. - What’s new: "Babababa" conversations. Leo is getting more uh... vigorous. He wants to grab everything and put it in his mouth. He's a hair away from crawling. - What sucks: Sad baby crying when he poos. - What I’m feeling: Excited and heart-exploding joy when Leo smiles at me then tries to talk to me. It's so cute and I love it. 4-Jan-2025 - so, it may not have been teething, but instead a doctor being overly agreeable with Kiran. It’s really unclear, and I’m honestly not sure what teething is anymore. Now, we have a new problem. Screaming while pooping and blood in the diapers. The amount goes from concerning to disconcerting. The worst thing is that on occasion, Leo will scream like a banshee when he is passing stool. It’s heartbreaking. - What’s important right now: blood in the diapers. - What’s new: on a positive note, Leo is more attentive and social by the day. I feel a connection from him forming rather than just too him. - What sucks: poopacalypse is a word I coined. Let your imagination run and you will probably get there. Blood in stool is scary and means we need to talk to a specialist about his diet. No one wants to talk to a special doctor about their baby except abject weirdos and the sort of people who put too much faith in the system. I don’t really want to any doctors, but I also recognize being a hillbilly about this probably won’t get him to comfortable and healthy any faster. (If you’re a hillbilly and have a solution, I’m open to it.) - What I’m feeling: fear, longing, frustration, anger, complacency, distraught, love, overflowing gratitude, grief, confusion on what, clarity on why. 2-Nov-2024 - Things have been easier in some ways and harder in others. Leo is a slobber monster now. He is teething and that is crazy. He’s a freaking weirdo. I love him. - What’s important right now: Teething creates a lot of discomfort, which means that it’s harder to pacify Leo when it’s time to settle down. There’s only so much we can do for the discomfort a lot of his day awake and crying. - What’s new: teething - What sucks: teething - What I’m feeling: my own teeth. But more sleep than before! 28-Oct-2024 - Decided to take a trip to the mall in Dublin with Leo. It was an experiment and we needed to return some stuff to a few stores. It was a pretty hectic time there, but overall I would call the experiment a success. It seems like Leo is not a fan of driving in the car at night. He cried a lot on the 30 min car ride home. He unlocked a new scream. He’s currently dream smiling while lying on my chest and it’s the best thing ever. - What’s important right now: elongating the time between feeding, so he can sleep longer stretches. We also want to integrate Leo into our normal shared sleep space. We may forget this, but we have had Leo in the second bedroom. One person stays with him through the night and the other sleeps until early morning, 5 or 6. - What’s new: Nothing crazy new. We put him in a pumpkin and it was cute as shit. For my side of the care, it was a huge unlock to just start calling night shift “baby retreats”. It’s a reframe and includes a meditation component of the night shift. It makes it 10 time better just with the frame of mind and rules of what I am doing changed. Now hard nights are practice sessions instead of slogs. - What sucks: poor guy screaming and night shift still sucks. - What I’m feeling: pretty optimistic and a sense of pace. It’s really nice to feel sane even during night shifts. 25-Oct-2024 - we went to a pumpkin patch today! It was lovely. This was a smooth week, but don’t want to jinx it. This is hard! - What’s important right now: moving towards timing longer sleeps. That’s the name of the game! - What’s new: more talkative. Leo makes the cutest sounds like he’s having a conversation. Seems like we have a pretty nice pace and we’ve picked up tempo. - What sucks: kiran and I not being able to share as many moments. It’s starting to weigh on me. Like we are great partners, but it’s putting a strain on us as lovers and friends. That’s hard, and I knew it would happen, but it is a difficult thing to feel first hand. - What I’m feeling: mostly excitement and optimism. 13-Oct-2024 - fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh - What’s important right now: sleep scheduling is now a focus. El Babito seems sick? We aren’t sure but he is crying like a nutter. - What’s new: crying all day, screaming in our face for no reason. Sleeping more at night? Iffy, and I don’t want to jinx it. - What sucks: depression creeping up on me. I can see it a mile off, but there she is that old bitch. - What I’m feeling: depressed. Hanging in there, but it’s hard to do all the self care that makes my body happy when the schedule is so actively volatile still. I’m HOPING that we can schedule feeding a sleep now that 🦁can eat more and therefore sleep more. 12-Oct-2024 - Omg sleeping through the night is now a visible light at the end of a tunnel! - What’s important right now: sleep baby boy, sleep! - What’s new: sleep! Sleep baby boy. - What sucks: I want some sleep lil baby boy!! - What I’m feeling: tired. 9-Oct-2024 - Successful trip to Sac area. Smooth car ride, left Tues at 11a, stopped at In-N-Out on the way out. Leo had eaten, burped and changed. - Rough trip to pick up Bosco in Vacaville. We left on a Wed around 11a. Traffic was chaotic and Leo was fussy. Getting back, traffic was piling up, bosco was tripping because he hadn’t seen us in a minute. Very challenging return. - What’s important right now: longer sleep windows and larger feeding sessions. K transitioning off breast feeding. It comes with a lot of sociocultural baggage. For some reason people have strong (mostly uninformed) opinions about this. This means that we rely on a supply chain that seems flaky and not particularly resilient. Hanging over our head is the longshoreman strike . - What’s new: even more interactive smiling! Kendamil Classic is working better than the organic. - What sucks: forgetting food on a long car ride! Holy shit, this is a costly mistake in terms of sanity. We had a lucky back up but the boy doesn’t like his old formula. Screaming baby still sucks. Sometimes, there is no way around it. - What I’m feeling: layer one of marathon realizations. Certain aspects of life will never be the same. Not only that, but things that weren’t on my radar before are suddenly salient in a very immediate way. Like the availability of formula, clothes sizing for a baby, what “family friendly” entails. Also, I can recognize different kinds of baby cries. Sometimes Leo is actually crying, other times it’s more like he’s yelling “hey!” Sometimes, he starts with a little yell, then gets himself worked up and he does this guy wrenching scream cry like a person being tortured. It’s the pits. 28-Sep-2024 - Tried to take baby on hour long car ride to SF from home in east bay. On the way there, it wasn’t so bad. On the way back we hit witching hour and he cried most of the way. I had to do my calling mantra the whole hour back, which was a trip in and of itself. - What’s important right now: timely feeding. Seems like the kendamil didn’t change anything really. - What sucks: screaming for no reason. Acid reflux? Hard to say, my boy. - What I’m feeling: rekt and blessed. Like bubbling potential. 27-Sep-2024 - What’s up - Leo makes sounds AT ME now! It's so exciting. I sing to him and pause, then he smiles and says "ooh!" - The fact he is communicating is getting me pumped. - What’s important right now: - We're trying the non organic kendamil formula. Some people say it reduces gas. He seems to be having pretty bad acid reflux, which is bumming da boy out. - What’s new: - Acid reflux and the interactive sounds! Also, he wants to play more. - What sucks: - I slept 3.5 hours last night total with nap and it was broken sleep. I have a shooting pain down the back of my head, base of skull, and into my spine. - I have sort of jumbled tummy, probably because of a giant bowl of milk I had with oatmeal for breakfast. I think it's time to admit I am, ahem, lactose aversive (#tolerance). - Needing to call the billing dept of Sutter health because they made a costly mistake. - What I’m feeling: - A little overwhelmed! I'm so tired. I'm trying to curse less, and it's really challenging. A good expletive really busts a point home. 26-Sep-2024 - Leo is just over one month old (1 month plus 2 weeks). It feels “too late” to start a log which is silly if I actually keep up on this. Feelings are funny. - What’s important right now: how much he eats in one session. Main reason is practical: if bb eats more, we can plan sleep. - What’s recently started happening: smiling when we do stuff! Holy smokes it’s amazing to have lil guy smile when I do stuff. I’m over the moon when I do something that gets a smile. Better than killing a performance on stage. - What sucks right now: blow outs, but they are manageable. The “witching hour” which happens around 7pm for about an hour. Inconsolable screaming for no apparent reason. Also, screaming because Leo is uncomfortable sucks, but it’s not exactly new. This seems to change the most with time. - What I’m feeling in this season (or day): I feel less fear, but also less gratitude each moment! I can feel time slipping away, but also the novelty of this whole thing wearing off. The identity of DAD becomes a fact instead of something exciting and new. There’s an immense grief in that. I am, of course, enamored with the boy. He’s amazing and I feel great about that. I can see how easy it is and would be to sort of fall asleep at the wheel of parenthood and wake up 20 years later, wondering: “where did the time go?” Goal for me is to stay in direct presence.